TAW: Recovering a Sense of Identity
Attention is the connective tissue between body, mind, and spirit.
“Whatever God's dream about man may be, it seems certain it cannot come true unless man cooperates.” - Stella Terrill Mann
I recently got some very helpful and healing advice that my throat chakra wants to open more, so I am writing in my journal daily, but I will also speak this writing in expression, if you’d like to listen to the audio recording of this writing. May my words be a channel of positive and creative energy.
Chapter 2: Week Two of The Artist's Way: Recovering a Sense of Identity
P. 42 “Affirmations are a powerful antidote for self hate which commonly appears under the mask of self doubt... do not let your self doubt turn into self sabotage.” (Cameron)
P. 42 “Curiosity flourishes when we have a sense of safety and self acceptance. Your artist, like a small child, is happiest when feeling a sense of security. As our artist’s protective parent, we must learn to place our artist with safe companions...
As long as we were blocked, we often felt that it was arrogance and self will to speak of ourselves as creative artists the truth is that it was self will to refuse to acknowledge our creativity... We could wonder and worry about our arrogance instead of being humble enough to ask for help to move through our fear. We could fantasize about art instead of doing the work by not asking the Great Creator’s help with our creativity, and by not seeing the Great Creator’s hand in our creativity. We could proceed to righteously ignore our creativity and never have to take the risk of fulfilling it.” (Cameron)
P. 43 “The essential element in nurturing our creativity lies in nurturing ourselves. Through self-nurturance, we nurture our inner connection to the Great Creator. Through this connection, our creativity will unfold. Paths will appear for us. We need to trust the Great Creator and move out in faith.” (Cameron)
P. 44 “Soon enough, you will be a bridge that will allow others to crossover from self-doubt into self-expression... Draw a sacred circle around your recovery. Give yourself the gift of faith. Trust that you are on the right track. You are.
As your recovery progresses, you will come to experience a more comfortable faith in your creator and your creator within. You will learn that it is actually easier to write than not write, paint than not paint, and so forth. You will learn to enjoy the process of being a creative channel and to surrender your need to control the result. You will discover the joy of practicing your creativity. The process, not the product will become your focus.” (Cameron)
P. 51 “I like to think of the mind as a room. In that room, we keep all of our usual ideas about life, God, what's possible and what's not. The room has a door. That door is ever so slightly ajar, and outside we can see a great deal of dazzling light. Out there in the dazzling light are a lot of new ideas that we consider too far out for us, and so we keep them out there. The ideas we are comfortable with are in the room with us. The other ideas are out, and we keep them out… more than anything else, creative recovery is an exercise in open-mindedness.” (Cameron)
Attention
“Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music-the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.” - Henry Miller
P. 52 “One of the great misconceptions about the artistic life is that it entails great swaths of aimlessness. The truth is that a creative life involves great swaths of attention. Attention is a way to connect and survive.” (Cameron)
P. 53 “The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention.” (Cameron)
In the act of paying attention healing begins. Present moment attention is the key.
P. 53 “The reward for attention is always healing. It may begin as the healing of a particular pain-the lost lover, the sickly child, the shattered dream. But what is healed, finally, is the pain that underlies all pain: the pain that we are all, as Rilke phrases it, ‘unutterably alone’. More than anything else, attention is an act of connection.” (Cameron)
Attention enhances selfhood, agency and strength in awareness. There is a self-embodied spirit to action and attention. We can consider attention as a connective tissue between body, spirit, and mind. Particularly if we think about the examples given by prayer and meditation, attention to the breath, or attention to the physical body, or attention on the words of the prayer, the attention heightens the intention of the act. Further, consider Yoga or Tai Chi as intentional movement to unite mind, body, and soul. These practices give the body the attention that it wants, the mind attention and space, the soul/spirit the attention that it craves. Whether driven by one or all of these various parts, integration becomes normal in the practice of giving this attention.
This week I happened to read through a presentation that my friends made for my birthday during the pandemic, so basically a collection of birthday cards. And it was really sweet to reread them of course those words still mean a lot to me. One thing I took away from it is that I realized I have a reputation among my friends of being someone who really loves nature, notices and pays attention to nature, and craves time in nature. Especially in college, if I was finding myself feeling anxious, I would often need to go on a walk or go out and be in nature and that would help me. So, seeking nature is and identifiable trait of mine. In this book, Cameron also describes her grandmother as someone who loved to write her letters about updating her on the flowers in the garden or the Christmas cactus, or what the animals were doing around her. Cameron describes that her grandmother was strong because she was attentive, she was aware of the flow of life going on around her and she paid close attention to it. This attentiveness clearly had positive impacts on her happiness and I felt that I related a lot to this section about giving attention in the book. I think one of the most important things to remember when considering the topic of attention is that are higher awareness can and should be a constant companion with helping us redirect our attention to where we want it to go. This awareness can help shape our mindset. For example if I am focusing on work and a mistake has been made - instead of giving all my attention to what went wrong and or people's reactions, I can choose to think, ‘okay, what went right and what can we do better next time?” So, redirecting that attention away from guilt or blame and towards what we can learn from this experience.
Embodiment is the spirit-self manifest, satisfied in the body, creatively fulfilled and created from essence to physicality, from ether to earth. These thoughts have been coming together for me lately as I consider more ways that I can truly live out and embody the goals that I have and that I have had in my mind for years. Since I can remember, I have wanted to be a writer and someone who makes money from their writing. I have had various ways of publishing and practicing my writing. But I'm now at the phase of true embodiment in terms of having a more daily practice and setting my intention every morning to align my spirit and my mind and the goals that my higher awareness has with my body. Because the dream, the concept, the vision can start in this ether space, and it may take some time to become physical. But where the mind moves to, the body will eventually meet it. It might just need a bit more of adjustment time, as our our bodies and our physical surroundings can take some time to adjust to newer realities. I like what Cameron wrote here about attention being an inherent act of connection and it resonates, because I have found that this morning practice of connecting my attention with all those aspects of myself as listed – physical, spiritual, mental. Addressing all those needs at the start of the day, sets me up for success and I feel more connected throughout the day. I find that stepping into my beliefs with ever more faith and certainty is manifesting my dreams more quickly in the physical world than I could even imagine. I seek to be aligned with divine will.
P. 34 “Pain had become something more valuable: experience. Writing about attention, I see that I have written a good deal about pain. This is no coincidence. It may be different for others, but pain is what it took to teach me to pay attention. In times of pain, when the future is too terrifying to contemplate and the past too painful to remember, I have learned to pay attention to right now.” (Cameron)
There is a lot of wisdom and knowledge to be gained, I believe, in any experience, but there is a specific emotional intensity I find especially when I consider past pains and what I have learned from them. I think some of the most important self-healing work we can do is reconciling and healing those pains from the past.
Cameron doesn't make it too abundantly clear as she goes through the sections of this chapter, but I find resonance in that each of these sections helps us find our identity. This chapter demonstrates that you can restore your sense of identity, by giving attention to your personal needs, artistic drives and impulses - and by giving attention to the pains that well up in your memory when your inner child brings them to the forefront, or by giving your attention to your interests and what draws you in. All of these things and more help us build and discover our artistic identity. I hope that we can also use this artistic attention for healing and love - for ourselves, others, and the planet.
I have been in Cape May with my fiancé. We planted our garden with winter-hardy plants last weekend and we’ve had a lovely time together. I planted Chinese astilbe, coral bells, tarragon, sage, and cat mint outside. Money tree and house plant inside. Two 10x4 window planter boxes of herbs: catnip, mint, thyme, lemon balm, rosemary, two kinds of oregano, sweet marjoram, and lemon basil. I also planted love, intentions, and plans for Winter holidays and our wedding next year. What are you planting in your physical and/or emotional garden as we prepare for winter?
sincerely,
This is very sweet: I also planted love, intentions, and plans for Winter holidays and our wedding next year.