I have something valuable to share here, after about four weeks absence.
Hello and happy winter solstice! In case you missed me, it has been over a month since I posted on Substack. Turns out, I need to take The Artist’s Way at my own pace and share my writing on the topic at my own pace. Life has been well-occupied this holiday season. I am grateful for all the people, places, and things I am so lucky to balance in my life. It is abundant, rich, and proliferating with intensity, love, and many lessons learned in this season.
This post is about one such recent lesson I have learned. In a season where I least expected it (because I have so much to be overjoyed about!), I went through a handful of days returning to a familiar, deep sadness. I felt I could only recall the things that went wrong in the past, and had a hard time finding joy or lightness.
I envisioned my emotional state through an analogy of a deep, overflowing well. This is not a new analogy for me, but this became more and more clear to me - as I felt a bottomless pit of sorrow that I was afraid I would not escape out of. I imagine that this is a familiar feeling for some.
Sometimes sadness feels like a deep well.
When I feel like a deep well of sadness and I am overflowing with watery pain, I feel my heart throb. I feel my body numb.
Even in the sorrow and sadness, I know that my heart is a source of love. For a portion of this time, I was lucky to be with my love and he comforted me through my sadness. My heart overflowed towards him for some days, but ultimately I was reminded again that I still need to direct this love and concern back to myself via an active practice of self care and re-programming of my beliefs.
During these tougher days, my mind fell back on the belief that I was alone in my suffering and that I was vulnerable in a painful-impossible-to-ever-be-healed-way. This is not and is never true. I replace this fear with the affirmation that I am not alone, I am always with my self, and most importantly, LOVE is always with me. LOVE IS ALWAYS WITH YOU.
At my low points, my heart said, “I am with you always.” I was reminded by the Holy Spirit that Love is with me always. I was reminded by friends that forgiveness is a possibility.
So, tonight, I make a turning point. I plant a seed of hope in this deep well - this well of sadness from the past, this well of sadness and empathy in the present - this well of human-grief that wants renewal. I plant a seed of hope for the future. I attach hope for positive growth to this seed and plant it deep in my grief, deep in my mind.
When I think of this well, when I feel my pain well up inside me, I will also remember the seed of hope and love that I planted tonight.
I plant this seed of love and hope knowing that it will grow into something beautiful for the future. I plant this seed of love and hope with the prayerful intention of deepening my understanding, healing, and supporting others in their healing.
I hope that this writing and these drawings serve as a reminder that you are never alone; that love is with you. I pray for love to grow and peace to flourish on earth.
I hope that you gained a warm feeling from this post, even though I started out with a point of vulnerability. I am grateful that I am not afraid to share this here.
P.S. If you need any last-minute gift ideas, a gift subscription for a friend is always nice.
I am wishing you a happy winter solstice and happy winter holidays,
sincerely,